You arrive at a stage in separation/divorce when antagonism and anger disappears. The simple reality of accepting that as a couple you no longer make sense, unfortunately never arrives at the same time for both parties. And so you have to undergo the aggravation and frustration of a dysfunctional relationship for some time. There is no standard time either, making this process even more maddening. While one party attempts to forge on with what they may think is a sound and rational perspective, the other party to the desiccated relationship either willingly or simply without being conscious of it, ends up placing roadblocks at every juncture. What I am finding though is the following. The more you eliminate the antagonism and anger and blame from your perspective, the process becomes eminently manageable. And your emotional well being does not take as much of a beating as you might think. You can withstand anything the other party throws at you, whether they are conscious of throwing it or not. Doesn’t matter. Just let it slide. And the sense of peace and calm with which you go through the process makes it seem like yes, there is eventually going to be a resolution. Takes patience and determination though. Takes fortitude. Takes discipline. And probably the single most important thing of all? It takes space and time. You gotta be physically separated to even think about going through a manageable divorce. Otherwise it’s ‘War of the Roses’. I have found over the past 6 months of physical separation, that my mindset is quite solid. I am comfortable more often than not. And I can focus on the present and even some of the future, while distancing my thoughts from the past. It helps to have a damn good family lawyer! They give you the space and time you need while they attend to the myriad details of splitting up. Don’t get me wrong. I would rather have been able to just shake hands and move on. But in the end, it is what it is. So I accept it, deal with it and try to move on.
Happy the days are finally turning through the winter solstice and more light is shining each day.
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